This is difficult for me to write
down. It’s difficult for me to even
think about. But a journal is a record
of everything – good and bad. I can’t
exclude things just because they upset me and make me feel terrible. Dammit, I am a human being. I have feelings. And it hurts me to even imagine that my friends don’t like me all
that much. Time for a dose of
self-administered therapy.
My name is Carolyn Hess. I’m 29.
I was engaged to be married once but he broke it off with only 4 weeks
to go till the wedding. He said I was
too controlling, that I was emotionally distant. I work in a PR firm. I’ve
worked hard there – I still do. But I’m
not very senior. They say my attitude
isn’t quite right. I make sure all the
details are covered but I lack .. something.
Some spark, I guess. I try very
hard in everything I do, every aspect of my life .. and yet I still seem to
fail.
I thought maybe if I developed some
outside interests with a group of people who don’t know me, I could change who
I am. Maybe the learning – me about
them, them about me – would shine a light onto what I’m doing wrong. It isn’t working. I thought Drake, Andy and Florence were my friends. Sure, we have arguments. Friends do.
But, today, I learned that, while they may respect my skills, they don’t
like me very much. In fact, I think
it’s fairer to say that they tolerate me.
I was only trying to help. We
all bring our individual strengths to the group – Andy is a really wonderful
cook and it’s his job to buy stores and use them so that’s what he brings;
Drake is an excellent photographer.
Florence … Well, she deals with
the odds and ends. And I am a good
organizer. It’s what I do. I plan, problem solve, and organize. Yet .. it seems they don’t like the way I do
it. What am I doing wrong? Why don’t they like me?
Even Florence was snippy today. It’s so unlike her. She said, when I called to check on the
first aid kit, that she’d expected me to call and there was such a strange
quality in her voice. Strained. Almost .. sarcastic. She asked me if the permits had
arrived. I told her no, not yet. And then she said she supposed I had my
manicure booked and I’d already picked out what dress I was going to pack. I asked her what she meant by that, and she
said ‘Carrie, you always do. You know
we rough it that week, and you always pack a lot more than you really
need. It makes the rest of us feel like
slobs.’ I didn’t know how to
respond. I had picked a dress
and I do have a manicure booked. Is it
wrong to feel good? It is a
vacation, after all. Well, I canceled
the manicure and put the dress back in the closet. I don’t mean to make anyone feel bad about the trip. Maybe I am being selfish.
Then I called Drake. I knew I was running late – it was around
7:20 by then and it’s Sunday but I have so much to do at work – but I had to
pass on the note about arranging a place and time to meet. He has time to arrange this. I don’t.
And he was curt with me as well.
He said he’d do what he could but he was busy as well and was there
going to be anything else I’d remember?
Sometimes things do occur to me at the last moment. Is that wrong? Maybe I shouldn’t say anything, let it all go to hell in a hand
basket. If I did, they’d only blame me,
ask why I hadn’t said anything before.
I told Drake no, that I thought we were just about ready now. He said good and hung up on me.
Then, at work, people kept on saying I
was quiet, not being myself. Well,
d’uh! I had lots to think about. Marnie and I had lunch together and she
helped me find a bag. It’s nice. Cozy.
I think I’ll need it. It’ll be
cold, I expect – the weather and the people.
I don’t think this trip is going to be much fun.
Drake called me this evening – I
suppose he was getting his own back because I was just about to take a
bath. He said he’d emailed the others
and they discussed it. We’d all meet at
Andy’s place at 9:30. I didn’t even
know they had emails! I feel so
isolated, so shut out. The three of
them have this clique, this little exclusive group, and I’m not part of
it. It’s only two days before we leave
and I honestly feel like I don’t want to go.
I could cry, I feel so bad, and I haven’t cried for a very long
time. But I am not going to let them
win. It’s Haystone. I deserve to be there because I’ve done all
the organizing. I will go and, when the
trip’s over, I will have to seriously consider my future with the group.
I can’t write anymore today. I feel too miserable.
*****
Today has been quiet. Peri spoke to me about Profelis. She wants my permission for him to stay here
for a while. She thought it would do
him good. My belief is that Peri was
being diplomatic. It may do Profelis
good but it will also do Alex good as well.
With Profelis here, Peri will be freed to work on the new house, so I
agreed to the request. After that, she
left for the day. Peri confided in me
that she thought Alex could use the time to cool down and, if Peri wasn’t
around, Alex would find it easier. As
an interim measure, Peri is quite correct.
As a permanent solution, however, no.
It will not work. There is only
one way to resolve this dispute. They
have to talk. It is not really my
business. I am Precept, yes, and the
matter began as a Legacy investigation, but I cannot order either of them into
a room and then lock the door. They are
both adults. I shall allow them to
resolve it as adults .. and keep the authority of my position in reserve,
should it be needed.
I am still undecided on the location
for the Hall of Antiquities. It is not
terribly urgent that I choose. I can
safely put it on the backburner for a while.
The other thing I can report today is
Haystone Manor. I have said nothing to
the others because, in truth, it is not my project. My interest is peripheral and personal. If Andrew wishes to divulge his intended location, it must be his
decision. I will not betray a
confidence. As I wrote yesterday, I
intended to read the small volume on Haystone last night, and I did. I learned that the Manor was first built in
1895 and was the home of the McFarlane family – a wealthy man, his wife, two
sons and three daughters. The family
fortune came from imported goods. Nothing
suspicious there. The book went on to
relate that the elder McFarlane died in 1910, his wife following him in
1914. In 1918, the house was sold to a
Mr Jessop who never took up residence.
However, the Jessop family – based on the east coast – never
relinquished ownership of Haystone and its upkeep was – and is – paid for by means
of a trust fund. It was leased, always
short term – the maximum being two years – and always to professional, single
gentlemen. In the late 1950s, the house
became vacant and has been empty ever since.
The first reports of ‘otherworldly
activity’ – a rather innocent, benign phrase – occurred in 1922, during the
second lease term. The book catalogs
the sound of a woman crying and a man shouting although his words cannot be
made out. This occurred fairly
regularly over the remaining time of the lease. The next occupant heard nothing.
Reports of items moved are also regularly mentioned. Doors banging, footsteps, the crying woman,
the shouting man; a gunshot is mentioned on several occasions. The worst must be the hammering, booming
sound which is unlike any other noise, and the smell of rotting flesh which has
no apparent source.
The leaseholder who first reported
this stench to the freeholders suggested that something must be buried beneath
the floor and he sought permission to lift the boards and remove the dead item
or items – his thinking, as written in the book, was that either an animal had
made its store of food beneath one of the first floor rooms or that rats had
died down there. Both eminently logical
ideas. Permission was granted and workmen
contracted to do the labor. However,
nothing was found and the stench continued to plague his occupation of the
Manor. When he left at the end of his
term (rather gratefully, I should think) and the new occupant moved in, there
was no smell.
The book lists every leaseholder by
initial and last name, and, in each instance, refers to them as a ‘gentleman of
leisure’. It also lists their
ages. I quickly noted the ages of the
men who had reported otherworldly activity and other activity with possible
explanation but there is no pattern, not in their origin, age or
lifestyle. It wasn’t every other
tenant, it wasn’t those men between two distinct ages. It appears random – the worst thing for any
investigator because there is no obvious starting point. Maybe the men who heard and experienced the
phenomena were more susceptible to such events than the others. Since the 1950s, Haystone Manor, while being
maintained so it does not collapse thru neglect, has been empty of tenants –
however, on occasion, groups have been permitted to stay on the grounds and
conduct ghost hunting expeditions in the house. Apart from that, the estate is secured and abandoned.
Andrew is in for an interesting time.
*****
I think she must be wilting under all the
brain activity. She didn’t call until
7:20 today. And do you know what? I was awake and waiting for the damn phone
to ring. On Sunday! Carrie Hess has affected my life! I can’t believe it! It isn’t fair. No other woman has ever made me feel this way. Oh great, reading that makes me sound like
I’m lovesick – and no way am I that!
Hate-sick, maybe. Lovesick,
definitely not.
Well, she called, I was waiting. I wasn’t exactly poised with a pen but the
request today was one I could remember easily enough and, strangely, it made
sense. We needed to determine a place
and time to meet up in 2 days. I could
see the sense in that. But, being me
and knowing I’d been awake because I just knew the phone was going to ring, I
couldn’t help do a little sniping. Send
a small shot across her bows. So I was
abrupt in my speech when I told her I’d do what I could at this short notice
but that I was extremely busy as well and did she think she had the monopoly on
a hectic lifestyle? And I asked her if
she was going to remember anything else we’d have to do for her. It was in the back of my mind that she
didn’t trust us with a big list at the start and she was feeding us little
tidbits, 1 at a time – like kids in kindergarten: read this page in the book,
and then you can turn the page and do the next set of words.
There was this quiet little
pause. I think I’m starting to chip
away at that armor plating she has.
It’s only taken 2 years. Anyway,
she actually told me no, she thinks we’re just about ready now. I muttered ‘good’ and hung up on her. Yeah, it was mean but a guy can only take so
much, right?
Well, I was awake and I made use of
the early start. I had computer stuff
to do today for a client so I sent emails to Andy and Flo to get their opinions
and see if we could reach a consensus.
It’s easy to do, between us 3.
And I so wanted to present the Trip Nazi with a fait accompli, no room
for negotiation. A done deal. I suggested Andy’s place. It’s the most northerly and we’re heading
north. Makes sense, right? Of course, they agreed cos it does
make sense. I know they see me as some
airhead but I do have a brain. Now all
we needed was the time. Yeah, we want
to get away early but not that early.
Mendocino isn’t Tibet. Andy was
in a rush – he was running late, had to catch his ferry – and he said 10:00
then logged off. I was fine with
10:00. Flo, however, is keen and she
said 9:00. As I’m giving her a ride ..
well, I can make 9:00 but I wasn’t happy so I said 9:30 – ever the one for a
compromise. Flo came back pretty fast
and said sure. Had to wait for Andy to
get home tonight and check his messages – and he said sure too.
I called Carrie, told her the
news. She was a bit testy. She sounded tired, a little depressed. She didn’t even try to argue me round. Now I feel mean.
Got the bag out today, checked it
over. It’s fine. Got my laundry done. Checked the cupboards for supplies for when
I get home. I’m set. 2 days to go .. and Haystone, here we come!
*****
Dear Diary, I feel very mean because I
did a bad thing today. I didn’t mean
to, it just happened. I hurt Carrie’s
feelings. I guess having written
yesterday’s entry was playing on my mind because .. well, I said out loud to
her some of the things I’d written. And
my voice … Oh Lord, I couldn’t stop
it. I am so sorry. I sounded rude. Carrie actually called me early for once – just like I’d wanted
(even if it is Sunday). As soon as I
heard her voice, it was like a lead blanket had been draped around my
shoulders. I felt weighed down. And, just as I’d written, she’d called to
ask if I’d gotten the first aid kit. I
said yes and then .. it all just tumbled out.
How I’d expected her to call. I
asked if the permits had arrived just so I could check up on her – it is the one
thing she has to do for the group. She
said no, not yet, and her voice was different somehow. And then …
I can’t begin to relate how much irritation flowed out of my mouth and
into the phone. I said about her
manicure and her nice dress, the number of bags she takes, and how she knows we
have to rough it and that she makes us feel like slobs. (Which isn’t strictly true. She makes me feel like a slob.) I think Carrie was shocked. I honestly don’t believe she ever saw
anything wrong in what she was doing.
But let’s face facts here – haunted houses are usually empty, dusty,
dirty, covered in spiders’ webs, dark, dingy and damp. Old clothes and keeping it to the basics are
.. pretty basic requirements. Yeah, it
is a vacation but it isn’t lounging on a beach with a big novel and a
cocktail. I hope Carrie took the
criticism in the way I intended it and not in the way I said it, because I said
it all wrong. I feel terrible about
that. I guess now I’ll just have to
wait and see what she brings. And ..
maybe .. apologize.
Drake emailed me and Andy this morning
to ask where and what time the convoy should meet up. That is so exciting! It
really brings it home that it’s only a couple of days left to wait. He suggested Andy’s place which makes sense
because, otherwise, Andy would have to drive into the city just to turn round
and go back past his place. I agreed to
the location but I thought 10:00 was too late.
Mendocino isn’t the end of the world but it’s still a fair distance and
I want to give Haystone as much time as I can.
I don’t want to waste it in traveling.
Drake came back with 9:30 and I can live with that. I have to – he’s giving me a ride. When I got home tonight, I checked my
messages again and it’s all agreed.
9:30 at Andy’s.
2 days to go. I read the book again. I’m surprised Carrie hasn’t asked me to
prepare copies for everyone to read up in advance. Maybe she was going to ask today but, after my display of temper,
she thought it better not to. I’ll do
copies anyway. It can’t hurt. I can scan the pages into the computer and
email them to Andy and Drake. If I knew
Carrie’s email address, I’d send it to her as well but she’s never told us. Really, she’s a very private person – talks
a lot but, apart from the instructions she gives, she doesn’t say a lot. I get the feeling she does think but it’s
all shallow or work oriented. There’s
nothing deep.
The entry says the ghostly
manifestations began in 1922, so I think something happened between Mr and Mrs
McFarlane, the first owners. They lived
there between 1895 and 1910 – which is when Charles (known to everyone as
‘Chuck’) McFarlane died. 15 years. That’s plenty of time for a husband and wife
to fall out of love and create waves which still ripple on today.
More tomorrow. I hope I feel less mean in the morning.
*****
Day 3, I’m still scribbling. Spoke to Derek this morning about Evan and
he agreed. Then I had to leave because
I had to meet a contractor at the house.
(Sunday, overtime, extra high rate.)
On the way, called Evan, gave him the good news. As I expected, he was wary. There again, if I’d told him all the
good news, he would have run a thousand miles in the opposite direction. All I told him was that he’s covering for
me, not where he’s going to live. So
he’s just wary. Last time he covered
for me, it was not an easy situation.
He’ll do better this time. I’ll
be around .. I think .. so he won’t get the choice.
Had a visitor show up at the house
this morning before the contractor arrived.
Something’s going on.
Something’s winding up to a big whatever. No other reason for the boss to come sound me out on my plans for
the immediate future. He took one look
at the plaster cherubs on the foyer ceiling and announced – in no uncertain
terms – that they had to go. He
was not impressed at all. He looked
round the rest of the house and said it was okay but the statues by the pool
would be better in the yard. The far
end of the yard, behind the trees. I
asked him why he was there and, in his usual style, he didn’t give me anything
to work with. He just wanted to know if
I had anything on the go that I couldn’t leave for a while. When I asked how long a while was, he
shrugged and said a week, maybe two.
Apart from the house, I told him, no, I had nothing major planned. He smiled.
That always makes me suspicious.
He did say I wasn’t in trouble (provided I got rid of the cherubs) and
that I’d find the task (whatever it is) to be well within my abilities. I would’ve pressed for more information but
then the contractor turned up and the boss left. As he went out, he said I should keep my schedule clear. Then he told the contractor that the
cherubs had to be removed, first order of priority.
The workers are coming in the middle
beginning of next week and should have all the ripping out done inside 10
days. Nicky’s getting a revised plan
done to give to them. There are some
rooms on the top floor we want to open out.
He also wants to put in a good security system so the electrics will
need to be checked over. Once we’re in,
I’ll do my own security system as well.
We’ll be covered for every eventuality.
I’m staying at Paradise Drive tonight,
giving Alex some space and time. I
wonder though if it’s going to work.
Knowing Alex, I don’t think a mere 24 hours will be anywhere close to
enough.
*****
Seems Merli is clearing the decks for
an all-out assault on the new house.
Derek told me today that Profelis will be covering for her and will be
living on the island. I don’t think
Profelis knows that yet. He’s an
intensely private guy. Mingles well
with his own and is always polite to ‘civilians’ but he dislikes rubbing
shoulders on a long term basis.
Profelis is in for a surprise, I’ll put money on it.
I’m on my own tonight. Merli’s staying over on the mainland. She called to tell me, and said it was so
she could get an early start in the morning.
I think it’s more to avoid Alex.
Merli doesn’t avoid people unless there’s a good reason. She sure doesn’t have a fight with
Alex. Merli’s good reasons are always
for the other person, not for herself.
Alex needs to take a step back and examine her motives. With Merli here, she can’t do that because
the source is under her nose, providing provocation where none is
intended. So Merli’s backed off instead. Alex needs a little longer than 24 hours
though. With Profelis taking over for a
while, it could be what they both need .. providing they can stay out of each
other’s way till Profelis turns up.
Alex can get to ask him stuff and
he’ll answer as best he can. Maybe
she’ll start to learn that these people don’t take instant action unless it’s
warranted. They don’t do it to piss off
Legacy members, they do it because innocent lives are at stake. We knew there was a serious risk inside the
phenomenon – nearly 600 souls – and I don’t have a problem with whatever Merli
did. I’m free, I’m alive, and so is
everyone I care about. There has to be
more but I can wait to find out. If
Alex wasn’t so hell-bent on discovering the truth and wrapping the case, she’d
see that too. But the San Stefano case
is to Alex what anything involving child abuse is to me – a red rag to a
bull. It pressed every one of Alex’s
buttons and she won’t step back. In
fact, the longer she goes without getting her answers, the more explosive the
confrontation’s going to be.
I spoke with Andrew today. The guy is going all out to get us in good
shape before he leaves, working this whole weekend. He’s looking stressed.
Telling him to leave the usual routine (Thursday, clean the silver,
check the guestrooms, except he’s doing that today instead because he won’t be
here Thursday) is like asking him to slit his wrists, so I offered to
help. Yeah, there was a motive for it
besides helping him – I wanted to avoid Alex as well. If she wants to put me in Merli’s camp and start on at me, even
though I don’t have the answers either, it’ll just cause us to fight. I don’t want that. So I spent most of the day with Andrew. He told me where he was going and why. Sounds an interesting place.
I hadn’t heard of Haystone Manor before. Andrew opened up quite a bit even if he did shrug a lot. I think he thinks we look down on him for
being an amateur while we’re the ‘professionals’. I think too that he thinks we find his hobby something to laugh
about after he’s gone home. I hope I
put him straight today. How did he
think I got into the Luna Foundation?
It wasn’t because I just love research. I was interested in the paranormal. I started out as an amateur and got experience. I told him I thought it was great how he
takes these working vacations and that I hoped he’d tell me all about it when
he returned. He told me there were 3
others in the group – another guy and 2 women.
I said that it made for a good balance – after all, we have the same set
up here – and he kind of smiled and quietly laughed. Apparently, they all kind of get along but really it’s 3 and 1,
rather than 4. One of the women tends
to cause friction. I know all about
that, especially right now. I mentioned
that, if Andrew found himself out of his depth at Haystone, he shouldn’t
hesitate in calling us for help. We
wouldn’t take over but we’d be happy to back him and his group up. I think he understood. Whether he will or not, I don’t know. It depends what they find when they get
there.
He did say Haystone was more noises
than apparitions so I told him he could borrow one of the recorders. It’s one of the older ones so we won’t miss
it. Andrew was pleased and said he’d collect
it tomorrow which gives me the chance to clear it with Derek. I don’t think Derek will refuse – if he
does, I’ll buy Andrew a recorder and some mikes – but Derek isn’t that petty. Andrew has worked hard for us this past
year, often above and beyond the call.
The least we can do is loan him a recorder for 10 days.
That’s me done today. I’m off to work on some plans and then sleep
alone.
*****
If only God could invent a machine to
put an extra 12 hours in the day, I would fall on my knees and praise Him. I simply have too much to do to do it all
properly. It rattles around my head and
I can’t get to sleep, and then I wake up late and have to rush. 2 days before I leave on vacation. Tuesday is a stupid day to start a
vacation. I think the stress has made
me make a mistake.
First things first – Drake emailed me
this morning about a time and place to meet.
To cut it short, we agreed here at 9:30. I would’ve preferred 10:00 so I can pack at leisure but I don’t
suppose I’ll get that much sleep the night before so I said yes. It’s only a half hour earlier – although I
bet Drake is late. I’ve never known him
to be on time yet (unless it’s a work assignment .. but that’s money so it’s
different!).
The mistake – I told NB today where
we’re going. I think that was
wrong. I know I spoke with DR about it
but I trust him. He wouldn’t decide to
come check us out. NB was helping with
the silver cleaning at the time. It has
to be every week. Leaving it only means
more and harder work at a later time. I
think he imagines I feel a little intimidated that they know I go ghost hunting
but I don’t. I feel wary. It’s an interest of mine and I really don’t
want the professionals – and they are professionals – turning up to
‘lend a hand’. Nevertheless, the offer
was made that, should we run into trouble, we can call on them. If we do (which I doubt), I’ll accept. Otherwise, I’ll gladly tell them all about
it when I get back.
NB did offer to lend us a recorder
which is fantastic – although now we’ll have to think about buying tapes or
it’ll be a useless piece of equipment just taking up space in a vehicle. I hope it runs on batteries because there’s
no way we can afford a generator and I don’t think the owners will let us take
one in.
I think NB was only helping today to
put distance between himself and AM.
There’s a definite atmosphere which doesn’t help ease me into 10 days of
well earned R&R.
Short entry tonight. It’s late.
I’m beat. I’m actually tired so
I’m going to try to take advantage of it.
*****
There’s a saying about the calm before
the storm. The air becomes very
still. The light changes color. Time almost seems to slow right down. It’s calm, yes, but there’s a breathless
hush of anticipation because you know it can’t last. Translate this from the vast world of nature to the interior of
the San Francisco Legacy house and you have an accurate picture of the current
state of affairs. All I hope is that,
when the storm breaks, it’s over quickly so we can get on with getting back to
normal. It’s difficult for me. As a psychologist, I can recognize the signs
with professional detachment. But these
people are also my friends and that makes it very tough for me to maintain a
distance.
I spent much of today with Alex. Derek was around but he’s keeping a low
profile. Nick took himself off
somewhere. Peri left the island
early. So Alex and I were in the
control room alone. On the surface, she
seems fine. I got almost a sense of
relief coming from her – although whether that was because Peri wasn’t there, I
didn’t bring up the subject, or for some other reason which Alex won’t talk
about, I don’t know. She talked about
her current project, expressed curiosity about Andrew’s trip – all normal. Yet it’s the calm before the storm.
Thinking about it, I can’t help but
remember San Stefano and the storms which happened there. I wonder whether Alex and the others were
exposed to some pervasive, insidious influence while they were trapped inside which
still clings to them. I won’t state
categorically that it’s an evil influence because Peri, while not immune,
wouldn’t allow herself to get contaminated to such a degree nor could she
ignore it if it had infected the others, but it could be a bad influence. Peri’s hands would be tied and she’d have to
resort to ordinary means to deal with it.
Whatever happened in there could have escaped with them to continue its
work by tearing apart the ties which bond us into a family.
Maybe I’m just trying to find reasons
to explain why two friends are on a collision course and the impact is going to
hurt more than just them. Isn’t there
another saying about an immovable object and an unstoppable force? It could apply equally to both Alex and
Peri. Why does life have to keep on
being so perverse and stubborn? We have
enough to deal with without this on top.
Andrew is looking tired. He really needs this time away. If I thought anything would be different
when I got back, I’m tempted to ask if I can go too. But, if ever there was a time for me to be right here, it’s
now. The longer this calm, this forced
politeness, goes on, the worse the storm’s going to be.
I admire Derek in so many ways but I
feel, in this, he could take a firmer lead.
I know he’s spoken with Alex but not in the right way or using the right
words. Similarly, he could make some
kind of semi-formal request to Peri to tell us what she can. It can only help. This prevarication only hurts everyone. I’m surprised Derek doesn’t see that – there again, at times, he
can be blind to what’s right under his nose.
I suppose it’s his preoccupation with the ‘bigger picture’. Well, we’ve all been there at various times
in our lives so I’m not going to judge him.
There’s enough division in the house already.
On a more personal note, and it has no
place in this Legacy journal beyond the fact that I’m a Legacy member, Kat told
me today she is in the debating society in school. I think she’ll do very well indeed. She has a lot of really great role models to learn from –
especially now!
*****
The visit I was expecting in the night
didn’t materialize and, while I’m relieved about that, I’m not sure if it’s a
good thing or not. I know Peri wasn’t
around today. She was in Derek’s office
first thing but, after that, she left the island and she hasn’t come back. Of course, that wouldn’t stop Aquila. Nothing does. But maybe – just maybe – my reluctance to give up, my resistance
to letting it lie has gotten thru to Peri.
Maybe she’s gone away to think about it. I hope she has. I don’t like
this atmosphere. I don’t like
infighting. Oh, I know, I’ve been the
cause of it in the past and that’s why I’m a little wary this time. My great drive for the truth was all a
setup. I was tricked. This time, though, it’s different. There were no ‘outsiders’ involved. It was only the usual suspects.
Philip had nothing to do with it. This is down to me, Nick and Peri. No one’s setting me up on this occasion and
so I feel I’m doing the right thing to dig in my heels.
Enough of this – it’s occupying too
much of my mind as it is. It won’t go
away but I can think of other things.
Andrew’s been working hard to get us ready for his absence. As far as I know, we’re not expecting
visitors to come stay but, even if they did turn up at the door, we’re ready
for them. Andrew is so good. The larder’s stocked, so is the cold store,
and the cellar is bursting at the seams.
If we had to shut the doors and live in a siege, we couldn’t be more
prepared. The way he’s been working, if
I didn’t know better I’d say he wasn’t planning to come back. I do wonder where he’s going this year. I feel a little envious. I’ve been in the Legacy so long now that my
outlook is skewed. I can’t take simple
pleasure in going on a ghost hunt. I’d
be trying to find the reasons, resolve the situation. I don’t feel the shivers of anticipation, only the shivers of
dread. Andrew is lucky not to be so
exposed. I wish I could go with him,
obey his orders for a change, try to see the experience with fresh eyes
and not jaded ones.
But I have to remain here. I’m working on a new project, a referral
from the Paris house. It could mean a
trip to France. Lucien has requested my
assistance on site but Derek hasn’t agreed yet. It isn’t urgent so maybe before Christmas. Oh, shopping in Paris … The project is a piece of translation – Old
French. My Latin isn’t hot but the
computer’s helping. The manuscript was
found in an underground vault beneath the Basilica of Sacre Coeur in Montmatre.
The carbon dating isn’t back yet but, on pure examination, it looks ..
1100s. The illuminations are beautiful
yet a little strange for monks. It
could be one of those texts which ended up being branded heretical, and then
locked away from the eyes of men. I’ve
heard there’s a huge forbidden library in the Vatican where thousands of
scrolls and books are locked away to prevent contamination of the soul. I would love to take a look around that – if
I could gain admittance. The chances of
that happening must be close to zero.
I will progress this as and when I can
while working on anything else which turns up.
As I said, it isn’t urgent, just intriguing, and, possibly, in its time,
seditious.
There seems to be a lot of activity in
the daily logs. I’d like to ask Peri’s
opinion on it but I don’t know quite how to begin. I would’ve asked Nick but he’s avoiding me too. I know he doesn’t have the answers I need
and I wouldn’t start a fight with him.
I don’t want to start a fight with Peri but, sometimes, I can’t help but
feel that’s all she understands. She’s
a smart woman yet, when she fights, she really comes alive. I’ve never seen anything like it. I know she hates being described as an angel
but, inside the phenomenon, when she took on the Reverend Hicks, that’s what
she was. She glowed with light. I think, at that moment, I understood what
Nick sees in her and has always seen in her.
It’s that quality of steadfastness, of never bowing under, no matter
what. I know, when I saw it, I was so
proud of her.
And that’s why this situation hurts me
so much. If I get my answers, I will
have won a victory and Peri will have lost.
In some way, she’ll be diminished.
I don’t want that to happen but I need resolution. If I don’t get it, she will have won and
I’ll be diminished. And that is not
going to happen.
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