Well, tonight I did it. I’ve always known I’d have to. I say always – what I mean is ever since she was born. It just seems like she’s always been here, a part of my life. The very first time I held her in my arms, all slippery, plum colored, such a mass of jet black hair .. and those eyes opened and looked at me so directly .. I felt I’d known her forever. I’d give my life to protect her.

Of course, that’s the truth but I knew the day would have to come when I’d have to make her stand alone. Or, rather, the night would come. And it came this night.

Dear God, my heart was in my mouth. I have never been scared of very much because my father taught me to not only face my fear but to fight and beat it, but standing back, watching her go on alone … I was terrified. Any parent would be.

Shauna and I always said that we’d raise a house full of kids. We owed it to our ancestors. The evils in this world are many and subtle, and we need to be plentiful to fight them. But that was when we were newly married and we didn’t really understand the challenges involved. My father was downstairs the night Peri was born. He heard her cry and he came up. He took one look at her and said ‘she’ll be a handful, all right’, and he got it on the nail. When we told him we were going to call her Amber, he shook his head.

“Don’t wanna call her by the name of some fossilized resin,” he said. “She’s gonna be strong, Joe. Powerful. She deserves a powerful name.”

So we called her Merlin. After the wizard.

As she grew, her personality came out and she was so like my father that .. well, we started calling her Peri. It stuck. Made the old man happy too. He said it was like a blessing – on him and on her.

And she was a handful. Still is. We put off having another until we felt confident we’d done a good job raising her. Truth is, we were never sure. Just when we’d think she was doing okay and, yeah, we’d start another baby, there’d be some almighty setback and we’d have to put everything on hold.

I feel mean sometimes, doing what I have to do. Peri’s five years old now. It’s tough on her, not being able to have friends round to play in the yard, or to do all the regular stuff kids do. I’m just pleased that she doesn’t realize that it’s tough. When I was a kid, I just accepted it as normal. That’s what she’s doing too. I guess I feel like this because I’ve seen the world, so’s Shauna. We know what she’s missing. Especially Shauna because she did have a regular childhood.

The training is everything. Day in, day out. Never a break. Can’t allow any leeway. Sure can’t have any little friends round. For one thing, kids don’t know how to keep secrets. They’d go home, blab to their parents about the little girl who can make the furniture move and handle fire and throw a knife … For another .. Peri has one hell of a temper. Man, you should see her let rip. Little kids wouldn’t stand a chance. No. Better to keep her isolated until she can deal with who she is, and what she is.

I have to say she’s learning fast. My father, he’s impressed. He says I wasn’t as advanced when I was her age. He tells me I’m doing a good job. Sometimes, raising Peri, that’s good to know.

But .. I think we have to face up to it. Shauna and I won’t have any more kids. It’s not only the general trend, it’s the necessity. Peri is a handful because she is so strong. We couldn’t split our attention between her and any siblings. We’d lose control of them all.

At the start, the power was given to one man and one woman. Brother and sister. The very start of our family. They married and brought others in. They shared the power. Those families had children who grew and shared the power with other outside partners. Before long, there was an army of thousands. And, back then, there was a need for an army of thousands. Evil was everywhere. But, and this is the important thing to remember, because it was everywhere, it was thin. Diluted. It was like a general layer of evil. If there was a devil or a demon, a real tough one, we took it on in a group.

Over the years, evil’s changed. It isn’t everywhere, not anymore. Bad is everywhere, but we don’t touch that. And, because evil’s only found in pockets, spread randomly, it’s focused. Stronger. Much more dangerous than it ever was in the old days.

The Flamefalls evolved to cope. We did it by having smaller families. The power we shared out at the beginning has become concentrated again. All the pure power in the Gabrielli family, the power which came from Gabriel himself, is coming to a focus in Peri.

Strong evil, strong Flamefall. Balance of power .. not quite. We got the odds stacked slightly in our favor. We’re one step ahead of the game, so to speak. When she’s an adult, she’ll be a force to be reckoned with.

First, of course, Shauna and I have to get her there. Another thirteen years before we can send her out alone into the world.

So far .. we’ve been incredibly lucky. The Legacy doesn’t know about her. One day, someone’s going to turn up at our door and demand to see her. Not for a few years yet, God willing.

My father’s been pressing for Peri to take the first test. He’s said she’s been ready for a while now. She’s fast, agile. She can think on her feet but she is only five. Sending her into the Gorge .. even with Shauna and me nearby … I’ve put it off for as long as I can.

Her spirit is .. phenomenal. My father’s suggested the codename Aquila. The eagle. Shauna thinks it’s perfect, and so do I. Aquila.

Tonight .. I could put it off no longer. Peri’s been coming with us to the Gorge every night for a couple of years but she’s either stood on the edge with her mother or she’s been with me. She watches so intently. Tonight, Shauna and I had to wait on the edge while she went into the darkness on her own.

She didn’t go in very far. That isn’t what anyone would expect or require, not from a child. This is the first test – to face your fear, fight it, beat it, and do it alone. Flamefalls aren’t emotionless. We’ve learned to shut off the ones which don’t help and play up the ones which do. Fear paralyzes. It’s useless in combat against an enemy. Fear doesn’t help. Anger .. that’s tougher to quantify. In the run up to combat, anger can cleanse, purge. It burns away surface considerations. In combat, no. Anger is to be avoided at all costs. Someone could get killed by mistake, and the penalty for hurting an innocent .. you don’t want to go there. Perversely, in combat, the emotion we want the most is peace. Tranquility. A calm spirit. Stillness. Silence. Only then can all the senses work to their maximum efficiency.

There is no fear of death. Death is only a shedding of the outer shell for us. We’re so intimately connected with our spirit forms that .. death is nothing.

Don’t get me wrong. The Gorge isn’t a playground for us. It is our training ground and it is a very dangerous place. We can’t ever get complacent when we’re there.

Shauna built the bridge tonight, like she always does. Peri and I crossed over together, Shauna guarding our backs. At the far side, I put my hand on her shoulder.

“Peri, tonight you train alone,” I said, and my voice was so calm. “Your Mom and I will be here, in case you need us, but I don’t think you will.”

She turned those incredible eyes up to me. Piercing eyes. Any guy looking into them just has to tell the truth.

“My first test,” she said.

“That’s right, sweet pea.”

She nodded. “You’ll be here.”

“We won’t leave you, Peri,” Shauna said. “We’ll be right here.”

“Just remember everything you’ve learned so far. Don’t go too far into the dark,” I told her. I let go and took a step back.

She just stood there, so small, so .. vulnerable. But I knew she wasn’t vulnerable. What counted now was how well she could beat her anger and her fear.

After a moment, I felt Shauna’s hand creep into mine. I knew she was worried. It was Peri’s first test but also a first test of our parenting skills. Worry isn’t the same as fear, and it was natural in a mother.

Peri took a step away from us, then another. The darkness swallowed her.

We’d never let her out of our sight before. I took a step forward and Shauna held me back.

“She has to do this, Joe. She has to prove to herself that she’s worthy of the name Flamefall.”

We could hear the roars of the beasts who feed in the Gorge. The screams of the souls trapped there for eternity. Some were distant. Some were a lot closer. A lot closer.

I just had this image in my mind. A child, alone, in danger, surrounded by .. things which were either desperate to use her as a shield, as a hostage, or coldly cruel and who just wanted to stretch out a paw and swipe at her, shearing her face off, ripping her limb from limb. And don’t anyone tell me that it isn’t possible because I swear to God I have seen that happen in the Gorge. I’ve seen just about every obscenity there is to see in that place. And the thought of any of them happening to our little girl … Yeah, I was terrified.

But do you know what? I didn’t move. I could feel Shauna trembling. It wasn’t cold.

Imagination’s a wonderful thing. It can lift someone, take them someplace else, somewhere hot and sunny on a freezing, snowy, winter’s day. But it’s also a curse. It can drag you down to the lowest depths and show you things you wish you didn’t have to see.

And that’s when I realized I had to face my fear, fight it and beat it again. I did it the first time as a kid. And now I had to do it again, with my own kid. It’s tougher second time around. Why? Because I had to fight and beat my own imagination. Flamefalls trust each other without asking questions. I had to trust Peri to do the job. To trust, I had to face my own imagination and ignore whatever it showed me.

“She’ll be okay,” I said, squeezing Shauna’s hand. “I have faith in her. I trust her.”

I looked at my wife and I smiled. Shauna had never had to do this. As a partner, yeah, she can fight but her role is more defensive, supportive. It’s the true borns who have to learn from an early age.

“I have faith in her too,” Shauna said. “She’s strong.”

“She’s gonna break hearts when she’s grown up,” I remarked. “Hearts. Bones. Heads.”

Shauna laughed softly. “Till she finds the one special guy .. I think you’re right.”

“And then she’ll give even him a hard time.”

There was a roar, a lot closer than any of the others we’d heard. I felt Shauna jump. Then we heard a screeching howl of pain. We looked at each other. It hadn’t been a human screech. We smiled.

The scream, and the smell of blood, brought others. Like sharks, demons can smell blood for miles. And they were coming, thick and fast.

“C’mon, sweet pea,” I urged quietly. “Show them who’s boss.”

We heard a lot of sound but we saw nothing. That’s the worst thing about the Gorge – it is black. It’s thick, stifling blackness and you really cannot see your hand if you stretch your arm out. Fighting in the Gorge is always close quarters because it’s the only way you can see your enemy.

We heard slaps and punches. Screams and shrieks. We smelled blood. Burning flesh, singed hair. Running feet .. coming closer, not going away.

“She’ll be overwhelmed,” Shauna muttered. “Can’t we pull her out, Joe? I know, she has to learn how to deal with a lot of enemies who attack all at once .. but not yet. She’s only five.”

“There’s a tactic,” I said. “If she’s smart, and I think she is, she’ll figure it out for herself.”

“Have you ever told her about this tactic?”

I shook my head. “It’s a test, Shauna. Some things have to be instinctive.”

“Even for a little girl?”

“If she’s a Flamefall, yeah.”

Over the years, we’ve had a lot of names. Enforcers is the most recent. Flamefall is the oldest, the one we use amongst ourselves. But we’ve also been called God’s Warriors, God’s Wrath, Bridgebuilders, and Lightbringers.

There was a moment of still and of total silence, both of which are rare in the Gorge. And then …

To say I’m proud wouldn’t come close. Anyway, pride’s a sin. I think I’m allowed this, though. She did it. No one told her. No one’s even hinted at it. She just.. knew. Instinctively.

The Gorge blazed with light. Demons, devils, the damned – they fled, blinded, shrieking. That light can cut like a knife. But it does more than that. It banishes the darkness.

The Legacy has a saying. A motto, if you like. Faith has need of the whole truth.

Flamefalls don’t have one saying, as such. But, if we did, it’d have to be .. it takes just one candle to push back the night.

We watched Peri walk toward us. Her hair was a little mussed up but .. there they were. Three silver white hairs.

I nodded at her, picked her up and set her on my hip. She was a Flamefall, and a Lightbringer. Soon she’d be a Bridgebuilder too. Later .. definitely God’s Wrath.

“You did good, Peri,” I told her. “Nice job.”

“Can we go home now, Daddy?” she asked, resting her head on my shoulder and putting her arms around my neck.

“Sure we can. Tomorrow – ”

“I know. I have to do it again.”

“That’s right. You know why?”

“So I’ll always be ready to face my enemies, fight them and kill them.”

Any other parent, hearing those words from their five year old child, would be chilled. I wasn’t. They told me I was raising her as I should. To be tough. Because the enemy was tough.

No one ever said this life is easy. But you know what? I can say, hand on my heart, that I have never regretted a moment of it. If Peri can say the same when she’s older .. I’ll be happy.

Joe Flamefall Gabrielli

Arctonyx

January 5 1980

© Jay Brown, 2001