The summer conditions of October were
blown away by the blustery winds of November which brought with them squally
showers of rain. The warm temperatures,
so pleasant for hiking in the hills of Marin County, plummeted and hinted that
Christmas was just around the corner.
Reuben
Meyer was surprised at himself. He had always disliked the idea of
training. At least, he had disliked the
idea of rigorous, regular training although he had always understood the need
for self-restraint and discipline. One
of his acts of rebellion was to question the need to do it every night. Why not every other night? Or every few days? His mother had just repeated the rules at him and that had only
made him resentful. As far as he could
recall, there was no actual rule
which said he had to go training every night.
As far as he was aware, it was a strong recommendation .. but that
didn’t translate, to him, as rule. It only seemed to mean that to everyone
else. As a child, he’d been scared of
the Gorge. His mother had been scared
of it too but she never trained in it except on the very edge with Red close
by. Red had taken Reuben across
regularly, both before and after his death, and he’d taught the boy moves and
survival techniques, but he hadn’t made it fun. Okay, the Gorge wasn’t meant to be fun as such but children learned by playing games. Red hadn’t made it a game. Ever.
So Reuben had always had a sense of fear. It had faded as he’d grown older and learned how powerful he was,
but it had never vanished, not till he’d started training with Peregrine.
Ox
had obviously taken his son to the
Gorge and made it fun. Probably carried
him over the bridge sitting on his shoulders and making the whole thing sway
and bounce. And, in turn, Peregrine had
taken his friend there and made it fun.
Reuben
was in the best physical shape of his life, he was active and disciplined, and,
more importantly, he was calm. He even
apologized to James Peake when he called round in early November for a progress
report.
“I
was feeling tense. New situation, new
job. A paid job an’ I’d never done that before. Plus I was .. a little anxious about the Legacy’s reaction to us
disregarding the order to stay in River Sands.
I’m sorry. I took it all out on
you. That was wrong of me.”
James
swallowed and nodded. “Apology
accepted. Perhaps the ruling house was
wrong to issue the order. We know, here
in San Francisco, that we would’ve preferred to keep you a little closer. In a way, we’ve gotten what we wanted. It was short-sighted of them, I believe, to
expect you not to want to help in the war effort in some way. And you and Peregrine have been .. exemplary
examples of what can be achieved without revealing any secrets.”
Peregrine,
listening to this in the kitchen, smiled to himself.
“That’s
generous of you to say so,” Reuben responded.
“Was there a reason for your visit tonight?”
“Only
to .. check up on your progress. A
courtesy call, if you like. Is there
anything you need?”
“I
don’t think so. We’re only here Friday
an’ Saturday nights. Rest of the week,
we’re in a rooming house south of the city.”
“I
see. Do you have plans for Christmas?”
“Why?”
Reuben frowned.
“My
Precept has authorized me to .. invite you both to stay for the holidays. I understand it’s your one night off a
year. You’d be welcome to spend it with
us.”
“I’ll
mention it to Peregrine. We might be
going to visit our families. Actually
drive there to visit.”
“Oh. Well.
If you’re not, the invitation’s open.”
James began to retreat toward the front door. “Keep up the good work.
They say the war should end next year, but they’ve been saying that for
a few years now. I hope it does end in
forty five. We could do with a time of
stability.”
“Safe
journey back,” Reuben nodded and closed the door behind him.
He
felt very good about apologizing. In
fact, he felt like he’d shed an outer skin, revealing a new Reuben beneath, one
free of the past. He knew, in his
heart, though that he wasn’t totally free.
He’d made his peace with his mother.
Now there was only his father to meet.
Reuben
really wished that Red was more like Ox.
Ox seemed to .. just get it right.
He had a light touch and a gentle way of speaking, yet he guided and
taught the same difficult lessons with just as much impact. He leavened the serious nature of it all
with humor and common sense. He advised
and recommended, and Reuben responded eagerly to that approach.
Red
had only given orders. Reuben was one
of those children who didn’t take kindly to being told. He had asked why he had to. Red was one
of those Flamefalls who believed in the rules and that being told was
enough. It had been for him and for his
father. He hadn’t liked to be
questioned, it hit at his personal authority.
It had made a difficult situation worse and, in the middle of all this,
was Freda who was not a good mediator.
With
the benefit of an extra twelve years, Reuben could understand his father’s
attitude a lot more. He was coming up
on a birthday in a few months.
Thirty. He decided he wanted to
face it with the past truly behind him.
And that meant making his peace with Red Meyer.
*****
Tania
Thompson was a bright, bubbly redhead.
She worked in the office of the munitions plant. Reuben had been building up the courage to
ask her out. Nothing serious, he told
himself. Just a movie. Maybe supper as well. Flamefalls were confident at facing evil and
those who had let it into their souls, but asking a girl out reduced them to
the level of ordinary people with regular lives. Reuben had butterflies in his stomach, a dry mouth and shaking
knees. Every time he thought he was
ready, he found he wasn’t.
Flamefalls
could go on dates with ordinary people.
No rule against it. But they had
to be very careful if they wanted to turn idle, nothing serious company into
long term, serious relationship. There
was a ritual to be followed. There was
no divorce in their world. Marriage was
a solemn undertaking. Ordinary people
didn’t have to be so completely sure before they exchanged vows. For Flamefalls, it meant soul mates for
eternity. Not even death could separate
them and bring it to an end.
And
it was this knowledge which tied Reuben in knots. He told himself it was just a movie, for Pete’s sake. It wasn’t binding himself to someone
forever. She seemed like a fun person
but, after one evening, he might decide he didn’t want to see her again, not
socially. She didn’t have to be the one to last.
“Did
you know she’s got a boyfriend?” Peregrine remarked one day, just before
Thanksgiving. “He’s in the Navy.”
Reuben
stared and felt a strange hollow ache in his chest. “Really?”
“Really. I thought it might help untie your
lips. She isn’t looking for long term,
Rube.”
“Oh.”
“An’
when you ask, ask if she has a friend for me, huh? Four people who work together going to the movies cos they’re
bored in the middle of the week is not gonna upset anyone.”
“Okay.”
“Are
you gonna ask her?” Peregrine demanded.
“I
don’t see the point. She’ll probably
say no.”
“Then
I’ll ask her an’ see if she has a friend for you.”
“No! No, I’ll ask. I’ll .. do it now.”
Peregrine
nodded. “You do that,” he grinned.
Reuben
left his bench and resolutely walked up to the office, trying to work out a
cover story for why he was there.
Luckily, the manager wasn’t in the office but Tania was. She looked up and smiled.
“Good
morning, Mr Meyer. Something I can do
for you?”
Reuben
felt his stomach twist but it couldn’t overcome the ache in his chest. He sucked in a quick breath. “I understand you have a boyfriend and that
he’s in the Navy. And I would never
want him to think there was anything more to this than there is but .. how do
you feel about going to the movies on Wednesday? It’s just a social thing.
Nothing serious. Company,
really. Perry and I get kinda bored
midweek and .. well, if you and a friend would like to go to a movie with us,
we’d be delighted.”
“Okay,”
Tania nodded. “Do we get to choose the
movie?”
“Sure,”
Reuben replied. “It won’t insult your
boyfriend, will it? He won’t be mad
with me?”
“Not
if it’s just a social thing cos midweek’s kinda dull.”
“Oh,
good. We have an ancient Ford so we could
give you a ride or we can meet you there.
Perry did say that if you have a friend .. y’know.”
“No
problem. We’ll meet you there. I’ll choose which theater an’ let you know.”
“Okay.” Reuben smiled quickly and went back to work.
It
had been easier than he’d ever thought possible. Just .. ask. Wow. Meeting girls was that simple.
“What’d
she say?” Peregrine asked.
“She
said yes, and she’d bring a friend, that they’d choose the movie an’ tell us
where to meet them.”
“Wow. It’s that easy,” Peregrine marveled.
“Yeah. It really is. Who shall we ask next?”
“Let’s
get this week outta the way first, huh?”
*****
It
was not and never would be ‘a date’ but both men went thru the customary ‘will
they show?’ doubts and fears as they prepared for their trip to the
movies. Both tried to put it from their
minds by discussing other matters.
“Did
you hear the Legacy’s invited us for Christmas?” Reuben remarked as Peregrine
steered the ancient Ford thru the streets.
“Yeah,
I was listening,” Peregrine replied. “I
thought you did good apologizing to him.
Nice, y’know?”
“Well,
I felt bad about the way I just loosed off like that. It was me, no one else, so .. saying sorry helped make it
up. I think I got it wrong about those
guys. It isn’t all of them, just the jerks in London who think they know best for
everyone.”
Peregrine
glanced briefly at him. “That could
explain a whole lot, if you think about it.
London’s been hit pretty bad by the Germans. Lot worse than us. I mean
.. Pearl Harbor was our only real attack in the US. London’s been bombed over an’ over. Whole lotta kids were evacuated to the country. Maybe the London house really does believe
that we need to be kept safe cos one thing’s for sure – when all this is over, our war is still gonna be going on. And, by ‘our’, I mean us and the
Legacy. Maybe they were thinking that,
if they all get killed, we must be able to continue.”
“I
never thought of it that way,” Reuben murmured. “It’s still short sighted, cos we’re not kids, and a little
selfish but I can see the reasoning behind it now that you’ve pointed it
out. Anyway, are we going to accept
their invitation?”
“We’ve
already said we’d go home.”
“Look,
Thanksgiving weekend’s coming up real soon.
How about we go home for that an’ visit with the Legacy over
Christmas? I’m sure your folks an’ my
Mom would understand.”
“Yeah,
I think they would. Thanksgiving’s
meant to be about family, right?
Christmas is more for friends.
It could do a lot to foster good relations with the Legacy in general
and the San Francisco house in particular.”
Reuben
was silent for a moment, then he swallowed.
“Perry ..?”
“Uh
huh?”
“There’s
something I wanna do over Thanksgiving.
You’re right, it is about family and giving thanks. And I wanna do this before I hit thirty in
January. I wanna .. make peace with my
Dad.”
Peregrine
slowed a little for lights. “I think
that’s a great idea, Rube. You want me
to come with you? Not the whole way but
some of it?”
“Would
you? I know I wanna do this, that I
have to do it, but a friend on the journey would be great.”
“No
problem. I’ll be there for you.”
“Oh,
hey, look! The girls showed up … ”
*****
Ox
and Thelma Gabrielli and Freda Meyer promptly agreed to the change of
plans. Reuben and Peregrine would drive
to River Sands for Thanksgiving weekend, and visit the Legacy for
Christmas. Reuben never said a word to
his mother about going to see Red. He
wanted to go into it fresh, with his own words half prepared. He didn’t want Freda to put ideas in his
head or warn Red that he was coming.
Neither did he say anything about his social meeting with Tania. His mother, like Ox with Peregrine, wanted
Reuben to find a nice, suitable girl, marry and settle down to raising the next
generation of Flamefalls. They were
concerned about the slowly, steadily shrinking numbers. In the old days, Flamefalls had produced
four, five, even six children. Now,
often, like Freda, thru no fault of their own, there were only sole offspring
to continue the work of God’s Warriors.
Ox and Thelma had wanted more but Thelma had not conceived again. Besides, Peregrine had been such a handful
that the years had raced by and, suddenly, even if a miracle had occurred, it
was too late. Ox was more concerned
that his son should find a partner and do the good thing than Freda was because
Peregrine was of the first family.
Their bloodline went back to the very start. The Gabrielli name must go on.
As
they packed their bags for the trip early Wednesday evening, Reuben was
grinning.
“Are
you gonna say anything to your Dad?”
Peregrine
blushed. “No. I’ve seen Miranda twice
That is not enough time to
make any lasting decisions.”
“But
you like her, don’t you?”
“Yeah,
I do,” Peregrine admitted, pausing before he zipped the bag. “She’s .. got something which just reaches
into me an’ makes me .. hurt. Ache,
y’know? And she has spirit. Fire.
If it lasts until Easter, maybe I’ll think about the ritual. Or starting it. There’s no time limit on that.
And then I’ll mention it to my
Dad. Don’t you say a word to him,
y’hear?”
“Wild
horses couldn’t drag it out.” Reuben
held a hand to his heart. “I promise.”
Peregrine
glared at him.
“I
mean it! A promise is a promise. It isn’t for me to tell Ox his son has it
real bad for Miranda Whittenham of
the Payroll Department.”
“I do not have it real bad,” Peregrine
argued but his blush told the lie every bit as much as his words.
Reuben
grinned broadly.
“What
about you an’ Tania?” Peregrine challenged in an attempt to swing the focus
away from himself.
“She’s
a very nice person and I like her a lot,” Reuben dutifully replied. “But she already has a boyfriend in the Navy
an’ we both understood from the outset that going to the movies together was
purely social. Nothing could ever come
from it.” The singsong voice of recital
then changed. “I do like her, Perry,
but I don’t feel what you do with Miranda.
Tania’s a good friend an’ that’s all.”
They
carried their bags down the stairs to the street. “How long do you plan to leave it?” Peregrine asked. “Like you say, thirty’s just around the
corner. It’s a milestone.”
Reuben
halted by the Ford. “To be honest .. I
can’t see me ever getting married. I’d
like kids an’ all, I’m up for the challenge of raising ’em, but .. what if I go
the same way as my father? I know what
it was like growing up with my Mom. It
wasn’t her fault, Perry, but she was still very new to the life an’ the responsibility. I couldn’t put that kind of burden on my
kids. Wouldn’t be fair.”
“But
Red came back. He came back a lot.”
“Wasn’t
the same as having him there all the time,” he remarked as Peregrine unlocked
the sedan. “My Dad died in the line of
duty but it changed him somehow. He
became .. angry inside. Angry at
himself for letting it happen. It
twisted him. I think that’s why he
pounded the rules into me every chance he got.
When he took me training, it was always deadly serious. I know the Gorge isn’t an amusement park but
I was .. five years old, for Pete’s sake.
My Mom was scared of the place.
She did take me over there but we didn’t see much action. Wasn’t till I started training with you that
I realized how valuable a resource the Gorge is.”
Peregrine
paused before sliding behind the wheel.
There was a tight feeling in his throat and he couldn’t speak for a
moment. He thought of all the hard work
he’d put in to help his best friend and he couldn’t have received a better
reward.
“I’m
glad I was there for you,” he managed after a few moments. “Glad I could help.”
“Help
..? You did more than help, Perry. You put me straight. God, I really needed that. Think I was heading for a meltdown,” Reuben
admitted with a brief burst of tense laughter.
“It
was never that bad,” Peregrine replied.
“Bad, yeah, but not that bad.
And, anyway, there’s no rule, as far as I know, which says we can’t do
bad occasionally. C’mon, we got a long drive ahead of us.”
*****
It
was Thelma who teased the secret from her son.
It came at the end of a good day and everyone in the house was
mellow. In the lounge, Ox was snoring.
“Is
she nice?” she smiled.
“Mom
.. please. It’s still way too soon,”
Peregrine said, wincing and blushing.
“She is nice, yes. I like her a whole lot. But if you ask me is she suitable for this
life .. I couldn’t tell you. We’ve been
to the movies twice, and always with others there as well.”
Thelma
leaned forward. “I won’t say a word to
your father, Perry, I promise. If I
did, he wouldn’t give you a moment’s peace.
Just tell me .. in your heart, in the darkest corner where all the
impossible hopes an’ dreams cling to life, is she the one?”
Slowly,
Peregrine nodded.
“Then
my advice is to take it gradually. Your
father courted me and was very gentle introducing me to this life. He prepared me for it. If you want some quiet pointers, you just
let me know,” she winked.
“Thanks,
Mom. Appreciate it.”
She
sat back. “You going training tonight?”
“Actually,
no, not tonight. We got plans, me an’ Rube. Well, he has an’ I’m along for the ride.”
Thelma
frowned slightly. “Is he backsliding
again?”
“No! No, he’s really straightened out. We are going over but not to the Gorge. Rube wants to visit his Dad an’ clear the
air. I said I’d make the journey with
him, for support. We got till Sunday
morning. I figure I’ve eaten enough
today to last an extended session at the Gorge. I’ll make up the lost time.”
“I
wouldn’t mind if you didn’t, Perry.
You’re a good friend to that guy.
It’s okay to miss training for something important and Reuben needs to
do this. Does Freda know?”
Peregrine
shook his head. “He hasn’t said
anything to her. He didn’t want her to
.. color his thinking, put a slant on things which could be wrong or biased. He knows, more or less, what he wants to say
an’ how to say it. And he didn’t want
his Mom to warn his Dad that he was coming.”
Thelma
nodded. “Probably a wise move. Flamefalls, especially trueborns, can be
difficult people. They’re not all like
your Dad. I never really knew Red Meyer
but Ox did. I only got to meet him
during training week. Red could be
tough. He shielded Freda from a lot of it,
figuring he had time. He should’ve been
more honest at the beginning because nothing’s guaranteed and he had a lot less
time than he believed. Reuben had a
difficult childhood as a result. I am
absolutely sure that Red loves him but he was always one of those guys who ..
assume people will know these things an’ accept them. He found it just about impossible to say the words. Maybe Freda did accept it but a little boy
needs to hear it. Reuben lived in
silence. It’s good he’s making this
move to clear the air. Red may still
slap him down but that won’t be Reuben’s fault. That’ll be down to Red being a stiff necked bastard at an
inappropriate time. Whatever the
outcome, Perry, you be sure to remember that and you tell Reuben if it’s
necessary.”
“Okay,
Mom, I will.” Peregrine glanced at his
watch. “Think I’ll take a brisk stroll
around town an’ walk off some of this dinner, then it’ll be time for me to get
going.”
Across
the street, Reuben was feeling just as stuffed. Freda had put on a good spread and Reuben hadn’t disappointed
her. They’d talked all thru the meal
about his work and the war, and the movies he’d been to see and how River Sands
missed out on that because it didn’t have a theater. Freda listened avidly to the storylines and who’d starred in
what. And they discussed training, both
his and hers. Reuben offered to go with
her to the Gorge and show her some moves to help her confidence.
Now
he glanced at the time and said much the same as Peregrine. A little exercise to help his digestion and
then he’d turn in. It had been a long
drive the evening and night before but he wouldn’t have missed this, not for a
royal ransom.
An
hour later, Reuben and Peregrine met in the forest and set off for the
river. Both were in good spirits but
thoughtful. Reuben felt a little mean
that he’d said nothing to his mother but figured that, tomorrow, he’d be able
to surprise her. He hoped it would be a
nice surprise. He wasn’t honestly
expecting Red to throw open his arms and express sorrow for the long years
they’d spent not meeting but he did hope they would be able to sit and talk as
two adult men. Maybe clearing the air
after such a long silence would take a few meetings.
Peregrine
built the bridge and they crossed, entering a world of gentle warmth. It was like a summer night – overhead was
clear, something glittered up there but no one was sure if it was stars or
something entirely different. The air
was scented with flowers. Everywhere
felt calm and tranquil.
Peregrine
walked with his friend to the edge of Red Meyer’s property. “I’ll come in with you, if you want,” he
offered. “If not, I’ll wait right
here. Take as long as you need.”
“I’ll
do it on my own,” Reuben replied softly.
“If I go in with company, he’ll only think I was forced to come over,
that it wasn’t my idea, then he’ll be cranky.
With you there, he’ll just utter single words till you go and, when you
do leave, he’ll start on at me. I wanna
show him that I’ve matured .. so I go it alone.” He glanced round. “Thanks
for waiting though. If it doesn’t go
well, the journey home would be lonely.”
“No
problem, man.” Peregrine sat down on
the strip of neat lawn and leaned against the fence. “Think I’ll grab a nap.
It’s a nice night.”
Reuben
straightened his shoulders and pushed open the gate. He walked up the path between the rose bushes to the front porch
and climbed the steps. His hand
hesitated for just a fraction of a second and then he rang the bell. A few minutes later, Red Meyer came to the
door.
“Happy
Thanksgiving, Dad,” Reuben greeted, his voice tighter than he’d wanted. “Can I come in?”
Red’s
eyes narrowed. “Is it Thanksgiving?”
“Today. I’ve gotten my act together. I’ve done a lot with my life. I wanna tell you about it. Please, can I come in?”
“Sure,”
Red said shortly. “I’ll listen. I’m not promising anything, mind.”
“Of
course not. You’re a Flamefall and our
promises are important things.”
Red
stepped aside and Reuben crossed the threshold. “Sit down,” Red invited, gesturing at a matt brown sofa. “How old are you now?”
“Thirty
in a couple of months.”
“Wanna
beer?”
“Sure. I’d like that.”
Red
was back very quickly and handed over an opened bottle. Then he sat opposite and studied his
son.
“This
is a nice place,” Reuben said into the silence. “You’ve added on to it?” he inquired, thinking he sounded more
like a real estate agent.
“Yeah. So .. what you been doing?” Red countered,
coming straight to the point.
A
younger Reuben might have bristled at that, become angry and walked out. But this was an older Reuben.
“Perry
– you remember Peregrine Gabrielli?”
“Ox’s
boy.”
“He
an’ I go training together every night.
I’ve learned a lot from him an’ Ox.
Perry an’ I work in San Bruno – ”
“There
a problem there?” Red frowned.
“Oh
.. no. There’s a war, a world war. We’ve been in nearly three years. In Europe, it’s even longer. Perry and I wanted to do something for the
war effort, so we got jobs in a munitions facility.”
“Paid employment?” Red wondered, sounding
dubious, amazed and just a little disgusted.
“They
pay us, yes, cos they think we’re normal people, but we’re not doing it for the
money, Dad. We’re doing it because we
owe it to our country.”
“You
don’t have a country. You don’t
exist. You beat on yourself every day
of your life an’ no one ever knows so they can never care. Invariably, you die alone and only a few
will mourn your passing. That’s the
facts, son. Damn all you can do about
it.”
Reuben
hesitated. “If I debate my point of
view, are you gonna say I’m rebelling again?
Cos I’m not. I don’t agree with
all your opinions and I’d like to say why but not if it’s gonna cause an even
bigger rift. I came here to make
peace.”
Red
regarded him. “Okay. I said I’d listen. But I’ll make my own judgment on whether it’s rebellion or not.”
Reuben
considered that a minor victory. “What
you say is true for Flamefalls. But we’re
people as well. We live in the United
States – well, some of us do. We eat
their food, reside in houses. We don’t
exist so we don’t pay taxes, have a regular life, or contribute in any normal
way. But .. in a war which is being
fought nearly everywhere or involves nearly every country, I thought .. I felt
I had to do something positive, something physical, to help. It’s my way of contributing. I don’t exist so there was no way I could
enlist in the military. And, even if I
could fake a way in, I’d be sent thousands of miles away and I couldn’t get
back, and I think it’d be too difficult for me not to want to use my abilities
to hit back. This war is one bad thing
I just cannot become involved in at first hand. Perry said he’d come with me back to the city.”
“Where
were you living?”
“Place
called River Sands. It’s in Nevada.”
“Why
there?” Red frowned.
“Legacy
sent us there, to keep us safe,” Reuben shrugged.
“But
you left.”
“We
did go there, Dad, and we lived there for a long time. Perry an’ I left to do war work. Ox gave us his blessing.”
“You
talked it over with him?”
“Perry
did. I talked it over with Perry.”
“Okay. And it was your idea to do this?”
“Yeah. I felt .. wasted in River Sands.
That place is like an internment camp.
We’re .. prisoners of war but we’ve not fought and been captured. We just went there like sheep into a pen.”
“The
Legacy know what you’ve done?”
Reuben
nodded. “Yes, sir. The San Francisco house likes us being so
close to them. The order came from
London, and San Francisco thinks it was short-sighted. They’ve invited us to spend Christmas with
them and we’re going.” He paused for a
moment. “Perry and I are always very
careful not to attract attention or do anything to rouse anybody’s suspicions. It’s .. manual labor and physically quite
demanding.”
“Okay,”
Red repeated, nodding. “Act of
goodwill. I can go with that. What about your training?”
“It’s
going great. Perry’s shown me a lot of
good moves. We’re working on some new
techniques as well. I’m enjoying it.”
“The
Gorge isn’t there to be enjoyed,” Red growled.
“I
know, Dad. I meant the new stuff. Trying out various things, finding what
works, what doesn’t. We practice that
on the safe side of the chasm after we’ve been hunting. We use that as a warm up. Half the night, then the other half working
on the new techniques an’ moves.”
Red
grunted. “What about your Mom?”
Reuben
blinked. “What about her? She’s okay.
She runs the grocery store in River Sands. She didn’t want me to leave but .. later, we talked it over and
she understands. It’s good between us
now. I spent Thanksgiving with her.”
Red
nodded. “I guess, now you’re near
thirty, it’s past time to cut those strings.
Let you make your own choices .. and your own mistakes. So long as you learn from them, that is.”
“Yes,
sir. I do. It’s why I’m here.”
Reuben sat forward a little.
“When I was seventeen, you said things to me which, on the surface, made
me mad. Under the surface, I was
hurt. I felt I’d been betrayed, cut off
from a man I’d always admired and respected even though I didn’t always see eye
to eye with him. Those words were like
a poisoned barb in my heart. I can
still hear you saying them, still see the expression on your face. But .. that was twelve years ago. I’ve grown a lot since then. Yeah, for a while, I did lose my way but
I’ve found it again, I have good friends and .. now I’m older, I can understand
why you said it. It was a mistake for
me to ignore the sense of those words and just dwell on the words
themselves. I’ve learned from it,
Dad. I wanna make my peace with
you. I wanna start over.”
Red
didn’t respond for a moment. Then he,
too, sat forward a little. “How’s your
faith?”
“My
what?”
“Your
faith, Reuben. How is it?”
Reuben
frowned. “My faith in what?”
Red
didn’t speak for a long, stretched moment.
His expression was carefully blank but his eyes flickered with all kinds
of emotions. The main one was
disappointment.
“My
faith in myself?” Reuben queried. “In
my abilities? In the cause? What?
Tell me!”
“I
shouldn’t have to tell you. You should
know,” Red replied.
“Well, I don’t know.”
“Your
faith in God, son. You were born with
the power necessary to fight for a cause.
Where d’you think that power comes from? I’ll tell you that too.
From your parents, from me and your Mom. And I got mine from my parents.
And back thru time it goes. I
know Ox is of the first family, straight descendents, but it all goes back to
the first two an’ they got it from Gabriel who got it from God Almighty. If you don’t have faith in the big boss,
Reuben, you’ll never hack it as one of His warriors. First time in combat, when your ass is in a corner and it looks
like you’re gonna die there, who will you call on? Yourself? Your abilities? The cause?”
Red
sighed. “You’ve come a long way from
that snotty nosed teenager who already had all the answers an’ I’m pleased
about that. I won’t deny that what you
an’ Peregrine are doing now is a good thing.
But you have got to start
learning to pray .. or you ain’t gonna amount to anything.”
Reuben
sat stiffly, his mouth a thin line.
“I
don’t want that to happen, boy,” Red admitted.
“I’m not what you’d ever call a demonstrative guy. Saying the kind things I have inside doesn’t
come easy to me. I get angry real fast
when guys an’ girls younger than me, still wet behind the ears, start telling
me they know all about the job. Then, yeah, I got no problem talking about
it, as you well know. You’re on the
good track, Reuben. You’ve pulled yourself
round an’ that’s wonderful. But the
difference between the very good an’ the merely mediocre is faith. Start praying, boy. Work on your faith just as much as your
skills. It’s all part of everyday
training.”
“Yes,
sir,” Reuben whispered.
Red
stirred. “Thanks for dropping by. Appreciate it. Now .. why don’t you call back again around Christmas an’ we’ll
talk some more.”
“Yes,
sir.” Reuben rose and walked to the
door. “Thank you for seeing me.”
Red
held out a hand. Reuben shook it. Then he left.
Peregrine
was asleep against the fence and Reuben stared down at him for a long
time. The pain he felt froze his voice.
Why
didn’t you tell me ..? Why didn’t you
say something? Was it such a huge secret that you and Ox
felt you just couldn’t share it with me?
I have worked so damned hard these past few months .. and I am still not
good enough. And all because I
neglected one vital area of training.
You said you were my friend, Perry, so why couldn’t you tell me about
praying?
He
nudged the toe of his shoe against Peregrine’s arm to wake him. Peregrine opened his eyes and yawned. Then he smiled.
“How’d
it go?”
Reuben
shrugged. “He asked me back at
Christmas .. so I guess it wasn’t a total disaster. C’mon, let’s go home. I’m
tired.”