††††††††† Didnít I write yesterday that it would happen?† It did, and sooner than I thought.† Derek called a house meeting for us to discuss the division of duties while Andrew was away, and, at that meeting, he said he didnít expect Nick and Peri to pull the same workload Ė with their new house and all the work there, it seemed fair to me.† Alex took exception and there was a huge argument.† The strange thing was that Alex didnít object to Nick not taking his fair share.† It was Peri.† Now, with the best will in the world, Peri does not have to do a stroke around that house.† That she does is to our benefit.† And the other strange thing is that it was the four of us who argued.† Peri just sat there.† She hardly said a word.† Actually, no, it isnít strange at all.† We have all fought with each other in the past.† The one person who doesnít need our defense was defended by three.† Alex was isolated.† Sheís my friend, one of my best friends, and she is someone I have trusted with my life Ė and will do again, I have no doubt Ė but, in this, I honestly feel she was being unfair.
††††††††† (And all this personal stuff really has no place in a Legacy journal but we are supposed to record our feelings and thoughts on a daily basis which is why Iím including it.)
††††††††† Alex eventually backed down.† And then Peri said sheíd do her share in the house and asked why Alex had felt it necessary to single her out for attention.† Have you ever felt that you should not have gotten up that morning?† Thatís how I felt.† Alex just glared daggers at Peri, stated Ďyou know whyí, got up and walked out.† Peri made no move to go after her, which I think was the right move.
††††††††† When I recall all the times those two have gotten along, gotten the job done, defended each other, stood side by side, it makes me feel quite sick to see them like this.† At loggerheads.† Derek wasnít sure what to make of it all and he did go after her.† As Precept, itís his right.† Nick, Peri and I continued the meeting and split the labor between us.† Nick offered to cook breakfast every day, provided he could have the evenings free.† Peri said sheíd cover lunch with the same proviso.† Derek, Alex and I will cope with supper.† As for the housework, we agreed it could be left to the domestic staff who come twice a week and who know very well what Andrew expects of them.
††††††††† Andrew, of course, had no idea any of this took place.† If he did, the guy would probably cancel his trip Ė and none of us are going to let that happen.† The guy isnít a member of the Legacy Ė he isnít even a member of the Luna Foundation.† He isnít tied to this place at the hip, not like us.† He is fully entitled to a vacation and he deserves to go, especially as this is a Ďworkingí vacation.† I sometimes wonder if he would want to continue ghost hunting for fun if he really knew what it was like Ė that, often, ghosts arenít simple wispy images glimpsed floating along some dark passageway but can be, and often are, vengeful, vindictive spirits out for malicious revenge and it doesnít matter that the object of their revenge is long dead.† Theyíll hurt anyone who gets too close.† And guess where we tend to be?
††††††††† I wonder too how much Andrew actually knows about us and what we do.† The guyís always calm.† Nothing much seems to throw him.† Maybe thatís his training.† Maybe, once heís on his own, all the stress comes out but, to us, he always presents a professional face.† I can understand that, maybe better than any of the others.† Itís exactly what I do.† Unless, of course, it involves Kat and then I cannot stop my emotions being on show to the entire world.
††††††††† The situation with Alex and Peri looks set to run for a while.† If weíre not careful, weíll all be dragged in.† The next few days are going to be difficult.
††††††††† I feel so stupid.† What on earth possessed me to say that?† Yet I feel so mad as well.† It needed to be said.† But, if it had been reversed, if sheíd said that to me, I wouldíve blown for sure.† Peri and I need to clear this up, yes, but alone.† I couldíve picked a better moment and a far better place.† Rachelís on Periís side.† So is Nick, but I have to expect that.† Derek too.† When I walked out, I was in a simmering rage and he came after me.† He looked so puzzled, as if Iíd gone crazy.† I couldnít really blame him.† He wasnít in that hellhole, not like I was.† If he had been, maybe heíd want the answers as badly as I do.
††††††††† I tried to explain to him that Andrewís vacation and how we deal with his absence really wasnít the reason why I erupted.† He asked what the reason was and I told him.† I was calm then.† I explained my reasons, why I needed to know answers which now I couldnít ever discover.† I said that my anger was a mix of frustration, that I was helpless and irritated that the chance had once existed and had been snatched away from me.† And Derek said to me that I had to let it go.† Just like that.† Peri is a part of the team and, at times, she will do things we donít agree with.† We canít force her not to do them, we have to accept them.† In the phenomenon, she had every right to take over the resolution of the case.† The phenomenon is now gone, never to return, end of matter.
††††††††† For a moment, I couldnít believe I was hearing that.† The Legacy is founded on the truth being the ultimate defense.† Derek was saying, in effect, that the truth didnít matter.† The evil was gone, and the opportunity to learn the truth had been destroyed with it, and I had to live with that.† I felt like heíd stabbed me in the back.† The guy Iíve trusted all these years, whoís been such a strength and guiding light .. he betrayed all that in a handful of seconds.
††††††††† Right now, I feel very isolated in this house.† Thereís no one I can talk to about it.† If I let it go, like Derek wants, Iím betraying myself and my principles.† I wonít do that.† I have to learn, somehow, what the truth is.† And that means cornering Peri and demanding she tell me what she knows.
††††††††† I donít dislike her.† When she was going up against Reuben Meyer, I couldíve stayed here but I didnít.† I knew my place was to fight at her side.† I know Peri is a good person.† Itís just her methods I disagree with, her .. instant decision making and acting on it.† That isnít being a part of the team.† But, with nearly 600 people saved from captivity and eventual damnation, she can do no wrong and Iím seen as the bad guy for wanting to fill in the blanks.
††††††††† Tomorrow is going to be difficult.† When I lost it, I knew Nick would look angry, that Rachel would be dismayed and Derek would frown.† They acted to character.† But Peri just sat there.† So distant, remote, like she was a rock and I was battering myself against it.† Her eyes, though; I saw them, I was watching.† For a second, a split second, they flickered black.
††††††††† I feel isolated and I feel a little afraid.† I pushed today and she held firm but I get the impression that she wanted to react.† I have to try to sleep soon and I wonder if Iíll wake in the night to find Aquila beside the bed.† I know she canít kill me but she can certainly scare me into silence.† Or she can try.† Itís about time Peri learned that, if she can draw a line in the sand, so can I.
††††††††† Day 2 of my attempt to keep a journal.† They had a meeting this morning Ė they hold them every so often.† House meetings, theyíre called.† These are different to the work meetings which they have every day.† The house meeting this morning was to divide the labor which I usually do but canít because I wonít be here.† Well, I nearly called Drake to cancel my participation.† Thereís been a slight atmosphere ever since they all returned from San Stefano and, today, it erupted.† There was a huge fight.
††††††††† They think I canít hear them when they fight but Iím a butler.† Itís my job to listen and be observant, and keep silent about what I hear and see.† I donít think Iím totally the reason for the fight Ė I think thereís something else going on Ė but what I heard today centered on me.† Can you imagine how I felt when I heard AM say that N and P should do as much as her and the others?† I couldíve curled up and died.† This is supposed to be my vacation!† A fun time with my friends away from what I do every other day of the year (apart from the cooking, that is).
††††††††† I donít want them to argue between themselves.† My job is to see the domestic, background activity runs so smoothly, they donít notice it, and yet now theyíre fighting.† As I wrote above, I nearly called Drake to cancel so I can stay here.† But then .. I donít know, I thought no.† Why should I?† Iíve worked here a year and, apart from some time at Christmas, I havenít had any time off.† I havenít been sick.† Iíve given them no reason to question my service or my loyalty.† I deserve this vacation and, by God, Iím going to take it!
††††††††† This is my journal and I guess I can write down my honest opinions without being seen as treacherous.† So I will record that, at times, the people in this house are rather naÔve.† They want a butler to run things for them but I donít think they really know what a butler is.† One thing weíre not is a guy who walks round in a penguin suit answering the door to visitors and cleaning the silver.† Thatís just a part of the job.† I think that they think I donít know what goes on here.† Well .. I donít, not exactly.† I think they donít know that I know thereís something behind the wall in the library.† I donít know what but I know somethingís there.† And while the Luna Foundation is a professional organization, I believe it does more Ė a lot more Ė than just hunting ghosts.† That business with the sword of Amaterasu proves my point. †If any further proof is needed, look at the size of the library.† Are all those books on ghosts, hauntings, haunted houses and spectral manifestation?† No.† Iíve dusted them.† I donít dust with my eyes shut.† Iíve read some of the titles.† They deal with a lot more than just ghosts, and so do the people who live here.
††††††††† And thatís another reason I didnít call Drake.† If the people who live here can survive demons, devils, and a great deal more besides, they can survive here without me for 10 days.† I am going to Haystone and I am going with a crystal clear conscience.† They may be painfully naÔve at times but they are adults.† They have to be treated as such.
††††††††† So, having finalized the list of supplies, I left slightly early today and hit the wholesaler on the way home (and itís Saturday too).† Itís a good thing Drake has a 4x4 because my rather elderly VW Beetle is not going to cope with the extra weight.† 3 days to go.† Tomorrow, I have my laundry to do; the day after is packing.† I donít want any last minute delays.
††††††††† Well, today was awkward.† No other word for it.† If Alex had come at me, I think we wouldíve seriously fallen out.† But she didnít.† She went for Merli.† I wish I knew how Merli stays so calm.† Not a flicker of even irritation crossed her face.† Thinking back .. maybe we were wrong to jump to Merliís defense.† She doesnít need us to defend her.† If weíd just ignored Alexís outburst, like Merli did, maybe the whole thing wouldíve died.† Now it looks set to run a little longer.† Merli didnít say anything about it when Derek came back.† We worked out a compromise to suit everyone and we can still get stuff done on the house in the evenings.† Living there is a big no no.† So far, weíve agreed the kitchen needs to be totally gutted, and the mirrors in the master bed can stay.† Merli saw the twinkle in my eye, I guess, because she couldnít stop grinning.† The foyer needs a complete revamp too.† Iím thinking North African, Moroccan, Moorish style.† First, letís get the crap out, and then we can decide on how to redecorate.
††††††††† Todayís other events Ė after the house meeting ended, Derek went into town on some business.† Rachel had to leave Ė some patient appointment Ė and Alex didnít show herself again all day.† Iím not sure yet if thatís good or bad. †I got the feeling Alex is going to keep at this despite Derekís advice to let it go.† Sure, I know doing that can be tough, very tough.† Some things refuse to go away but you do have a choice.† You can let them dominate or you can control them, push them away.† Maybe pushing them away isnít so good.† They can fester in the background.† There again, letting them dominate isnít so good either.† It can become an obsession.† I guess the best thing to do is deal with it, and there are ways of doing that which Alex hasnít felt to be necessary.† The one thing you do not do is go one on one with an Enforcer when youíre not a 110% sure of your facts.
††††††††† Andrewís leaving in 3 days.† He went early this afternoon to go grocery shopping for us and for his trip.† He can be very close minded when he wants but he did tell me that much before he shipped out.† I almost wish I could go with him and come back to restored peace and quiet.† I donít have to take Merliís side and, sometimes, I donít but, in this attack, Alex is wrong.† I guess she and Rachel must feel much the same way as I do now when Derek and I have a major bust up.† It does put me in an awkward position Ė loyalty to my wife, loyalty to the Legacy, and loyalty to the other Legacy members.† You could say thereís a definite conflict of interest.† If it doesnít calm down in a couple of days, Iíll go speak with Alex, see if I can find out whatís at the bottom of all this .. although I think I already know.† This is just more of the same resentment she displayed in the town.† It was out of line then, nothingís changed.† I just have to try to get Alex to see that.
††††††††† Merli isnít here right now.† When I was setting the alarms and checking the monitors, she got a phone call.† Sheís still in the house, just not here in the room with me.† I hope it isnít bad news.† Her leaving wonít end this situation, all it will do is postpone it.† I thought, once we were all back in the city, weíd go back to the usual Ė I was wrong.† Seems some things do have a life of their own.† The evil at work in that town, the way it could affect peopleís emotions, appears to have come back with us.
††††††††† 3 days to go.† Another square with a big cross on the calendar!† Iíve done my laundry.† I called Florence to remind her to get a first aid kit.† I called about the permits.† They are in the mail.† I called Drake again Ė 6:55 this morning, and, yes, I woke him up again.† He actually swore at me.† This kind of behavior is totally unacceptable.† If he does it again, I am going to petition the others to have him thrown out.† Anyway, Drake confirmed that weíre all going to Haystone and that Andy is seeing to the supplies.† 3 Ė no, 4 things more crossed off the master list.† Whatís left to do?† Get gas.† Pack my bags.† Buy a bag!† I didnít get a chance today to get to the store (had to work).† Note to self Ė make time tomorrow (even if it is Sunday)!!† We need to finalize at whose place weíre meeting the morning we go and what time.† Oh dear, I guess Iíll have to call Drake again in the morning.
††††††††† Drake also told me he has all the cameras and films and stuff ready.† Heís the expert, I suppose (thatís a grudging admission) so Iíll have to trust he knows what heís talking about.† Florence told me she has all her gear packed ready.† Florence is a real treasure.† Quiet, obedient, and organized without having to be reminded 15 times.† She mentioned her carís in the shop.† I wonder if sheíd like to travel with me?
††††††††† Work was a pain again today.† They all know Iím going on vacation Ė I told them yesterday Ė and yet they keep giving me things to do when all I want is to clear my desk (itís why I was there today).† Itís all Ďbefore you go, could you just Öí† Ordinarily, I would not object.† But these projects are all too big to finish in a couple of days.† I can only start them.
††††††††† Note to self Ė remember to clean the apartment and get in some supplies for when you arrive home.
††††††††† Jerry Copland would be a good replacement for Drake.† Okay, he isnít a professional photographer but heís all right with a camera.† Iíve seen his vacation pictures.† Iím not sure if he has any kind of interest in ghost hunting but he does drive a brand new convertible, has lots of money and social contacts, and heís extremely well mannered.† Well, he did go to Stanford and not on a scholarship.† The complete opposite of Drake McGavan.† I doubt Iíd ever hear Jerry swear at me.† Heís always in the office early so waking him up with a phone call Ė just would not happen.† The only way I could wake him up in the morning is Ö† Well, I wonít go into my super-private fantasies here!† Letís just say Jerry is quite the hunk.† Compared to Drake, thereís just no contest.
††††††††† Well, 3 days more to wait and we will be on our way.† I must remind Florence to prepare copies of the entry in the book for each of us.† We should do a little preparation reading before the big day.† If we donít, weíll just waste valuable time when we get there.† A chance like Haystone comes around once in a blue moon.
††††††††† I am so excited.† I doubt Iíll be able to sleep tonight.† Maybe a long, hot bath and a cup of warm milk will send me pleasantly into the land of dreams.† With luck, I might dream about Jerry.
††††††††† I believe I have a growing problem in this house.† Maybe I have trained and mentored my team so well that they cannot let things be when they must.† I know Peri knows more than sheís admitted about what occurred inside the phenomenon we recently closed down.† When the time is right, I know she will tell us what she can.† The more Alex pushes for answers now, the longer it will take the right time to arrive.† It seems the lessons we were forced to learn after Colorado Springs have been either ignored or forgotten.† Peri is capable of a lot that we do know about and even more that we donít.† I doubt even she knows everything she is able to do.† Life is a process of evolving, developing, each and every day.† No one remains static.† She will undoubtedly learn more new skills before her time comes to depart this world.† And most of what she knows will Ė must Ė forever remain secret.† We have no right to demand information from her. The most we can do is ask, and accept whatever we are given Ė even if that is nothing.
††††††††† Alex seems to have forgotten that Peri is not a Legacy member, nor will she ever be a Legacy member.† The concept of teamwork runs strong and deep in us all, but not in Peri.† Once, we made the mistake of believing she was one of our team.† We paid for it, even her.† A painful price, in tears and anguish.† We must not make the same mistake again Ė yet Alex appears determined to do exactly that.† I have told her to let it go.† I know her well enough to know that she wonít.† Very well then.† I must do whatever I can to smooth over the rough edges and prevent irritation and frustration at the lack of cooperation from flaring into angry provocation.† I will not lose Alex, and I will not allow Alex to drive Peri away.† We are a team but we are 4 plus 1, not 5.
††††††††† I feel most sorry for Andrew who I know heard the argument take place.† It is to his credit that he did not back down and cancel his plans.
††††††††† The arrangement we have made agrees with everyone who is taking part.† Nick and Peri wish to have the late afternoon and evening free so they can continue work on the mainland.† I cannot object to this.† The weather right now is remaining fine but it cannot last more than another few weeks.† Once it turns, and the fog starts rolling in again, the evenings get darker sooner, their free time will shrink and they will have to return earlier before the ferries are cancelled.
††††††††† I had business in town today which meant I was absent for most of the morning and all the afternoon.† My fatherís collection and the items I have added to it plus the gifts I have received on my fatherís behalf has now grown to such an extent that new premises are required.† Emily Forrester has, at my request, been looking at suitable sites and, today, she and I went to view some of them.† My heart says the offer of several rooms at the City Museum is the best choice but Emily disagreed Ė if I accept, she is out of a job.† She prefers the empty building near the Civic Center but the security there is non-existent.† I have a difficult choice to make.† Perhaps we can compromise on a third choice Ė there is always the option of having something built.† It would keep Emily in employment (not that she needs it and she is not as young as she once was), the security would be first rate (I would have Nick design it), and it would belong to me.† All I need to do is find an appropriate location.† Whatever I decide, I must get Ingridís approval.† She is, after all, joint custodian of our fatherís legacy.
††††††††† I have also taken the time today to investigate Haystone Manor a little more.† I called in to the library before I met with Emily, but there was nothing there.† I had a little time so I went to some of the more underground, esoteric bookstores and, in one, I found a book dedicated to Haystone.† I intend to read it tonight (it is not big).† It may give me new insight into the mansionís history.† Something happened there in the past.† What that something was has never been discovered.
††††††††† Perhaps Andrew will be the one to unlock this particular closed door just as he did with the sword.
††††††††† Day 2.† Iím still at it.† Havenít lost patience with this stupid journal idea yet.† Alex really pissed me off today.† I felt Aquila stir and she has been lecturing me ever since.† Move out; you donít need this; you donít need them; just fix the damn house and get inside; you were helping them, not deceiving them; when is Alex going to understand that, whatever you do, youíre doing it for the good reason?
††††††††† I said Iíd fix lunch while Andrewís gone.† I can do that.† I can keep a low profile and out of Alexís way.† In fact, what Iíd really like to do is go away.† Alex isnít dumb Ė no way is she stupid.† Sheís a smart lady and I know she will figure her way to the truth.† All the time Iím here, visible, she wonít try to figure it for herself.† Iím an easy target.† Should I tell her?† Make it easy?† Or should I encourage her to stretch herself?†
††††††††† It didnít bother me that Alex lost it.† Bothered Aquila.† I think I was pissed that she chose that moment to take her shot.† I mean, weíre all sitting there to show willing while the butlerís away and I get picked on when someone else says I donít have to.† If Iíd said it, I couldíve understood.† But I didnít.
††††††††† Alex must be feeling like shit right now.† I really didnít need defending but I got it.† 3 of them all started arguing with her.† Alex must be feeling pretty alone.† Well, I know how that feels.† I expect sheís sitting in her room right now, scared Aquilaís going to come pay her a little visit.† As if thatíd happen Ö
††††††††† This evening, late, I got a phone call.† I think it could be good news.† Evanís coming over.† He called to ask if he could stay at Paradise Drive (the old house).† His timing could not be better.† If heís here, I can persuade him to stay a while and thatíll free my time to work on the new house.† Yeah, okay, I always said itíd be a joint project Ė me and Nicky.† And I havenít gone back on that.† The way I see it is Nicky and I decide together what needs to be done and I can make a start and he can come help me when he can get away.† So Evan coming over is perfect.† He can cover for me.† In fact .. he can come live on the island.† Iíll speak with Derek about it tomorrow.† Might do Alex some good, having Evan here instead of me.† He wonít take any crap.† Heíll be horrified and very polite but heíll give it straight back.† Difference between me and Evan is that he doesnít see the people here as his friends (apart from Nick Ė whoís more a kind of colleague).† The others are Legacy people, someone he works with, for, alongside.† He wouldnít dream of socializing with them.
††††††††† Iím writing this in the library.† Everyone else has either left or gone to bed.† Itís pretty late.† I should turn in too.
††††††††† Andrewís excited about his vacation.† He looks just the same and sounds it but I can feel the excitement.† I wonder whereís heís going.† I† wonder, if I ask him out straight, whether heíd tell me.† Probably not.† The guyís taking this time to get away from us.† The absolute last thing he wants is for us to show up Ė which is not as dumb as it sounds.† This is the great Ďannual tripí for his ghost hunting club.† It doesnít take a huge stretch of the imagination to see the Luna Foundation rolling up with all their gear.† If I were Andrew, Iíd keep very quiet about my vacation plans.
††††††††† I expect Alex will keep on plugging away at me.† Tomorrowís going to be just a re-run of today.† How boring is that?
††††††††† Today marks a first.† Never before have I ever managed to reduce the Trip Nazi to absolute, stunned silence.† Today, I did.† Man, that was a great feeling!† I have to make a big note of it here so, if I ever feel the need to do it again, I can refer back to see exactly what I said (not that I think I will ever forget).
††††††††† The phone rang before 7 (on a Saturday morning).† I know she did it on purpose.† She knows that Iím a night bird by habit.† My day starts around 10, goes on till 2 or 3 the next morning.† Soon as it jolted me awake, I could tell by the sinking feeling in my gut that it was her.† I think I growled something Ė might have been Ďhelloí or it could have been Ďyeah, what?í† She starts on, straight away, no Ďdid I wake you?í† No Ďsorry but I have to call early before I leave and the trafficís a bitch if Iím lateí.† If she had said something like that, Iíd be nicer.† But no.† The Trip Nazi isnít capable of that.† She just started straight off with the demands and instructions Ė as if Iím sitting at some desk, ready, primed with a pen and a pad, not as I am which is laying flat on my back, phone held to my ear, and my eyes shut.
††††††††† Had I called?† Yes.† What did they say?† Theyíre both coming.† Is Andy organizing the supplies?† Yes.† I told her that I had all the cameras and films ready, tripod, filters, everything weíll need.† Was she impressed?† No.† She huffed.† And thatís when I said Ďfor fuckís sake, Carrie, get off my case and stop giving me orders.† Stop telling everyone to jump.† You are not in charge!í
††††††††† There was such a shocked silence.† I remember this big grin spreading over my face.† At that moment, it was .. I canít begin to describe it.† It was like I was bathed in a warm, golden glow, as if God Himself was smiling down on me and giving a thumbís up.† You stood up for yourself.† Good job, Drake.
††††††††† I think this feeling is going to last me until .. oh, maybe tomorrow morning.† Sheís bound to call again.† For someone who loves to trumpet her organizational skills every chance she gets, Carrie has a real problem remembering things.† Or Ė now I think of it Ė she just doesnít trust us so she drip feeds our reminders every day.† I think, after Haystone, Iím going to petition the others to have her removed from the group.† The 3 of us will muddle along, just like we did before Carrie arrived.
††††††††† Well, 3 days to go.† Canít come soon enough.† For one thing, she wonít be able to call because weíll all be together.† And weíll all be sleeping in.† Maybe I can wake her up at before the crack of dawn, see how she likes it.
††††††††† I have to get my laundry done.† If I donít, I wonít have anything to wear on the trip.† I should fetch my bag out of the closet too.† It needs to get some air.† Maybe I can swing by Andyís place tomorrow night.† I havenít seen him in a long time.† He emails regularly .. but Ė and I know you canít tell how someoneís really feeling from reading words on a screen Ė it seems to me that his words are tense, like heís feeling pressure.† If thatís true, he really needs this break, and I am going to make damn sure Carrie does nothing to upset him.† Haystone was Andyís idea, and, to him, itís almost like going home.† The Trip Nazi canít spoil it for him.† I wonít let her.† And I know for a fact that Flo will be on my side in that.
††††††††† Maybe Iíll swing by her place too.† Flo has a way of spreading oil on troubled waters.† I donít think she realizes how good a person she really is.† Restful.† Just being with her calms me down.† Sheís special.
††††††††† Anyhow, thatís me done for this most remarkable of days so I will bid you a fond goodnight.
††††††††† Carrie rang this morning from the office.† I wish she wouldnít do that.† She gets up early and so do I, so she couldíve called before she left.† I donít like getting personal calls at work.† I always think itís going to be bad news, and Carrie has a really officious way of making requests.
††††††††† Although Iím not a nurse, I have to get a first aid kit for the trip.† Iím responsible for buying the Ďsundriesí so I suppose a first aid kit falls under that heading.† I can do that in my lunch break.† Drake calls her the Trip Nazi, and, although I donít like to judge people and that name isnít very nice, I can understand why he calls her that.†
††††††††† Before, when it was just the 3 of us, we werenít so organized but we had more fun.† It was more spontaneous.† We laughed a lot.† We were like the Blair Witch Project but with jokes.† I mean, sitting in a haunted house, waiting for something to happen which would scared us stupid, and telling each other ghost stories to pass the time?† Crazy or what?† But then Carrie joined us and we no longer forgot things like flashlight batteries and a first aid kit.† We got given things to do.† Yes, it made sense but she treats us like soldiers in an army.† Kit inspection every day at noon.† Lights out at 4 a.m.† Itís so unnecessary.† Weíre not soldiers, and weíre not children.† Weíre perfectly capable of making our own mistakes and learning from them.† Carrie has everything so regimented that the funís been sucked right out.
††††††††† Weíre supposed to do what she says, yet, if any of us ask her to do something, she goes very brittle.† I asked her today if she had the permits and she told me, in a very cool voice, that they were in the mail.† Itís as if weíre not allowed to check to see if sheís doing whatís on her list.† But Iíll bet she calls me tomorrow to see if Iíve gotten the first aid kit.
††††††††† I wish I could be as cool and offhand to her but I just donít have it in me.† My parents raised me to be a nice person, to get along with everyone even if I hate them on sight.† I donít hate Carrie, I just feel irritated by her attitude.† Andy, Drake and I Ė we slob around in old jeans and ancient sweaters because we know, for that week, weíre roughing it.† And itís fun to rough it.† Thatís part of the charm.† A total break from the routine of the rest of the year.† But not Carrie.† Her jeans are new with pressed creases.† Her running shoes are bright white.† She has a manicure the day before we leave.† She always brings more bags because half of it is makeup and skincare.† Iím not saying the rest of us are dirty but itís camping out.† I donít take a nice dress in case we decide to eat out.† I know we wonít.† But Carrie always packs a nice dress and a pair of heels.† Here I am, judging her.† I donít mean to do that.† Iím sure she judges me and I canít stop her doing that but I can stop me doing it.
††††††††† 3 days to go.† Iíve read the entry in the book again.† I think Haystone is going to be so different from every other place weíve visited and spent time in. †We all say weíre ready if it should ever happen but I honestly believe that, if we should see something or hear a strange noise, we would be scared out of our wits.† I think, at Haystone, weíre going to be scared.† But, you know what, diary?† I donít mind that because Andy and Drake will be just as scared as me.† Fascinated, sure, but scared.† If we panic, weíll do it together.† Iím not sure how Carrie will react.† Sheís probably got that planned too.† Or maybe sheís so sure that nothing will happen, that weíre just wasting our time, that she hasnít considered it.† Haystone is going to be some kind of revelation to her.
††††††††† I almost wish something would happen.† Something very big and very, very scary.† Because Ė and I feel mean about feeling this Ė I really want to see Carrie lose it, big time.† But, if I canít write my inner thoughts here, where can I write them?
††††††††††† More tomorrow.† Iíve vented enough for this day.